Once we truly know that life is difficult-
once we truly understand and accept it-
then life is no longer difficult.
Because once it is accepted, the fact that
life is difficult no longer matters.
M. Scott Peck

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The Lord hates dishonest scales, but accurate weights are his delight. Proverbs 11:1

I have had dishonest scales. I put more weight on my side of this marriage than I do on Jim's side. I feel I do more, I am more, I deserve more, I need more. The weight is always on my side the way I have seen it until now.
Somebody owes me.
Jim owes me, and he better pay up.
This is a lie. I confess it before my God.

When pride comes, disgrace follows, but with humilty comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2
Disgrace = no grace

God, please forgive me placing my weights inaccurately. Balance me.
Balance us, so that I can truth.

Forgive my pride, cleanse me from my tendancy to sin and replace my dishonesty and pride with humility and grace toward Jim.

Forgivness is key to overcoming this anger and complusion to act of hatred toward Jim and others around me.
I have harbored bitterness and anger and hatred for so long. No more.
I will be a vessel to reflect the light of Christ. Al this cleaning out hurts so badly. But I will pick up my cross and follow Him.

Psalm 10:3 The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry.

My life has been ruled by emotion. I have not been the master of my emotions, my emotions have mastered me. They have lied to me adn I continually believed them. The drama must stop.
This is affecting my children. Jamison has been through trauma in his life already and so heightened emotion triggers his defense. I hae noticed the we run in patterns together. This must stop.
How I feel is the not the determination of how I act.
I must overcome my tendancy to invite depression, agression, moodiness and irritation.
God has already made a way, and now He will complete the work in my life.
I have created an "walking on eggshells" situation with my husband and children. Everyone is always tiptoeing around trying not to "upset" me. This is wrong, so wrong. It is a learned behavior, but it is wrong.

Jeremiah 31:29 "In those days, it will never again be said: The fathers have eaten sour grapes,and the children's teeth are set on edge. 30 Rather, each will die for his own wrongdoing. Anyone who eats sour grapes-his own teeth will be set on edge.

Jeremiah 10:23 I know, Lord,that a man's way of life is not his own;no one who walks determines his own steps.