It's a good thing I didn't fully understand how much life I was missing by carrying around an extra 108 lbs. If I could have fully perceived the bondage I was in I honestly think I would have been immobilized by desperation.
It has been 6 months since I have stopped losing and with each pound that slipped away, I lost the perception of who I thought I was. Each passing ounce held a constant awareness of what others wanted me to be, and an unconscious need accommodate whomever I was involved with. Each gram contained part of who I thought I was, while in reality, that which I am was arising from the deficit.
After enslaving myself for so long, I believed I was who others saw. I had no idea who Daun was, and only a vague understanding of who she wanted to be. That knowledge has now been set in motion, my likes and dislikes are arising out of the mist of conformation. I am becoming aware of what inspires me, what dissuades me, and conscious of truly loving. Loving that hurts.