My husband and I will have been married for 9 years this June, and think I'm finally coming to the realization that we’ve passed into another phase of love in our relationship. I decided that the time has come that I begin to learn what it is to “truly” love Jim. Of course, all of these years I have "loved" him, but I think it has taken the 11 years we've known each other for the "love" I thought I had toward him to be exhausted. Now it's time for me to really learn what it is to love.
There are four different types of love consented to; consequently the Greek knew of these types of love centuries ago and devised their own terminology, which we still see fit to use as a description. They are as follows:
Phileo – having tender affection toward another, phileo love is the “something” that draws you to another person
Storge – is the physical show of affection that results from affection felt through phileo, this includes hugs, kisses, and encouraging pats.
Eros – sexual desire or lust
Agape – this love enables us to love another for who they were created to be despite their faults and shortcomings.
I don’t believe many marriages venture into agape love, which is why most fail. I think there comes a turning point in each union where phileo, storge, and eros eventually all fall short. By the time this point comes both, individuals have exhausted their supplies of “love” and they begin to realize their needs are not being met. No matter how hard they try to muster “love” for their partner they begin to see the union as falling short of their expectations. At this place, depending the couples’ philosophy of marriage, they may try for varying periods of time to sustain the relationship based on duty, and hope. Some may spend countless hours attempting applying different angles of the existing “love” to make it work. Most of the time, falling prey to the selfish nature of humanity, they quit, although occasionally, (less so now then in the past) out of shear determination they exist the rest of their lives living out a “loveless” marriage. Herein lies my dilemma: unwilling as I am to muster the strength for living a loveless marriage, I am equally unwilling to part. What then? If I draw upon the wisdom of those I watched live years of a happy marriage, I must choose to move beyond the “love” that I have come to understand to a “more excellent way”.